Some pondering...

Some people ask me why I want to preserve the orang-utans in my country. I keep on pondering of what to say. I have three perspectives; religious, scientific and personal. I know it doesn't go together but why not hear me first?

Religious: I personally think that God created these creatures for us to take care of and for us to ensure of its survival. If people think that these creatures are worthless, so to speak from a religious point-of-view, I think it is the same as defying God. God gave us these wonderful creatures. Why not take care of them and make God happy?

Scientific: Pure logic. Simple and clear. Orang-utans need forests to live. It's their habitat. If we take care of our orang-utans, we keep our rainforests the way they are. Bottom line? Orang-utans go extinct, no rainforests. No rainforests, more pollution. More pollution, more carbon emissions. All carbon emissions, end of the human race. We die. Simple, isn't it? :)

Personal: Come on, now. Baby orang-utans are just super cute.

On a side note, let's not forget about that film 'Planet of the Apes'. I think it has gotten to me. Quite scary, hey?

By the way, these just doesn't go only for the orang-utans. I dedicate this to all animals living in my country and the entire world. I have attended too many lectures of Evolutionary Approaches to Psychology to actually find out how remarkable these creatures are.

So, if you ask me, what is my next step? Well... I can't tell you. It has to be spontaneous. You will know when I finally did it. I will write. For now, I think you know what I'm going to do. ;)

To all those corporations who think that they own the Earth, remember... Mother Nature can be very angry if she wants to :) To a certain political institution of my beloved country centred at where I am right now, the fact that illegal loggings, deforestations and forest fires did not happen because of palm oil is PURE BULLSHIT. All right, maybe real estates play a part in this too. But you do know that palm oil plays a part in this also :) And you wrote this and denied the cold-hard facts in your website? Tsk tsk for shame...

Enough with the post. I'm done. I'm out.

what do i want in life, really?

if i have to substantiate it into many things, i would. first off, this is about what I want. emphasis on the 'I'. if i list it, probably it would become like this:

1. finish my bachelor's degree.

2. get a master's degree on either neuropsychology or social psychology.

3. get a job.

4. get married.

5. have children.

6. get a doctoral degree on God-knows-what.

7. i haven't really thought about what is next to come...

on the other hand, THIS is what my father expects me to do:

1. finish my bachelor's degree.

2. get a master's degree on economics.

3. work at one of dad's peers' company.

4. get married (possible choices to some boring-coma-not interesting-coma-stupid-coma-weirdo-and-not hot [although the 'not hot' part is unnecessary] geek whom my dad loves... *knock on wood to stop it from happening please God hear my prayer*)

5. have children.

6. get a doctoral degree on God-knows-what.

7. i haven't really thought about what is next to come unless my dad has already planned it for me...

my soul is crying. i was really excited that i had my life planned out already, but whenever i mentioned it to my dad, he would say NO. on the other hand, if i listen to my mum, i know she would say, 'it's up to you, dear' but i know she would have the same vision as my dad. oh and did i mention that my dad is super overprotective of me? in my case, i would rather not go to a club than have him asking me who i am going with, where i am going, are there any chaperones... back up, CHAPERONES. yes, i said chaperones... IN A CLUB. wtf, i think my dad is mental. okay, i sound like a whining child. moving on.

however, i find that the arrival of my great uncle, Gene, has (hopefully) opened his eyes. i hope he listens to him or dear God i would have to chop my head off if he doesn't. that's not in a literal sense, of course. anyway, if i go on and on and on about my dad, it would create a novel, so i am just going to stop there.

SO... if you sum it all, as i have mentioned it above, i do know what i want in life. but as i said, probably i will go with all of my dad's plan, to the exception of number 4. SO, this is my solution:

1. finish my bachelor's degree.

2. get a master's degree in (if possible) economics.

3. get a job (possibly in one of my Dad's peers' company).

4. get married (to my possible God-given future candidate whom i know will be to my upmost expectation).

5. get a whole lot of money and save enough for my family and myself.

6. repeat number 2, but in neuropsychology or social psychology (heheheheh...).

7. get another job to my liking, and if that's not possible, then i'll stay at the company (*sigh*)

so where does having children fit, then? hmm... probably between number 4 and 5. of course, my children will be my priority. i would have to safe enough for them, then go for what i want.

dear God, i may not be a religious person, but please help me fulfill my dreams. thanks. Amen.

my superego tells my id

one thing i would like to tell myself:

stupid girl. why do you keep on hoping and waiting like he's going to come back to you?

curhatan seorang perempuan

He promised…

To love me forever, as long as it takes.

He promised…

To come and sleep with me under the moonlight.

He promised…

To come home and be with me.

He promised…

To call me just to tell me what his voice sounds like and to tell me that he’s okay.

He promised…

To apologize for everything that he had ever done to me.

He promised…

To come home to me when he would be healed.

He promised…

To see me and hold me tight, never letting me go.

He promised…

To dry my happy tears when he comes and rescues me.

He promised…

To kiss me softly and sweetly, just like in the movies.

He promised…

To love me unconditionally, despite everything and the wall between us.

He promised…

To mend me from my broken heart and raise me up from the ashes.

He promised…

He promised…

He promised…

…but it never happened.

N.B.: God knows who it is about.

from the lows to the highs

i just started smoking again. i try not to make it as a habit, but recently it just made my life easier. i hate it when people tell me 'oh your life is easy already, what's so hard about it?' truth is it is not... sometimes. every people in the world do have that time when they go oh-so-low and feel like there is nothing and no one that they could count on.

i just had my turn. if i look back, i have never felt like i had in the last - maybe - few weeks. i just got so depressed that i turn to cigarettes as comfort. i feel like everyone is avoiding me, including my best friends... when the truth is they are not. they are always there for you, whenever you need them.

here is one thing you should know about life: know the people who really do care about you. they would console you whenever you feel down. they would know that you might need some air to breathe. they would stick by you, through thick and thin. they would accept you as who you are, but still managed to give you constructive criticisms to improve yourself for your own good.

i have these people in my life, and i love them... more than i love my 234. LOL.

a comeback

i am back. maybe this is for forever. i have to write something otherwise i would go crazy. a lot of things have happened since the last time i wrote my entry. lots of general things, i suppose.

1. i gained my weight

2. i fell in love

3. i got heartbroken

4. i passed my 3rd semester in university

5. i fell in love

6. i got heartbroken (again)

7. i went on holiday for new year's eve

8. i got drunk on new year's eve

9. my brother saw me drunk on new year's eve

10. my parents thought i was tired but they didn't know i was drunk

11. i went to brisbane

12. met a crazy landlady

13. began my 4th and last semester in this country

14. I LOST WEIGHT. hooshaaaa! :D

okay i guess that sums it all.

In the Dead of the Night

Candles in the night
The moon shines bright in the sky
Dimming every corner of the room
A hint of darkness revealed

I caught him across the room
Looking at me with those eyes
Then the night starts to fall
Showering us in the darkness

That warm bed i felt
And that kiss i swear
Like an electric current
Filling up inside my being

I stared out the window
Wishing that the night could never die
Those seamless shadows i fear
Haunting me in the dead of the night

Nothing frightens me
Not when he's here...

And those 3 words you whispered
As you gazed into my eyes
Caressing me lightly on my bare skin
Electrifying me as i laid there in vain

Then i suddenly realized...
As i woke up on an empty bed..